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  • D. K. Blaire

The A-Z Guide to DOUBLE-SPEAK for the Modern Dummy



We are all aware that the Trump administration and their spokesmen, such as the number one speaker Sean Spicer, use a sophisticated level of stupidity in order to get their message across. For most of us, our minds simply cannot stoop to this level of lunacy and ignorance, and so we continue to grapple fruitlessly with the idiotic jargon and paradoxical double-speak which the Trump regime appear so well-versed in.

Well, grapple no more fellow free-thinkers! Below is the ultimate guide to STUPID under Sean Spicer’s careful guidance.



A = America

A-MUR-KA

Noun

1. Land of brave and free

2. Greatest country in the world, bar none

3. Home of great political minds such as Donald Trump Jr., Jared Kushner, Ivanka Trump, Steven Mnuchin and Jeff Sessions.

Synonyms: Neocolonial Empire, Corporotocracy, Plutocracy, Cleptocracy, USA, USA!


B = Black Site

Blaak Si’ght

Noun

1. In military terminology, a site invisible to human eyes, unmappable and untraceable.

2. Site where it is speculated is the happiest place on earth; where people sing songs, eat candy all day and get massages.

Synonyms: Fun site, happy site, non-existent site, no site, mystery site.


C = Capitalism

F**kyou-intheass-ism

Noun

1. An economic system that dominates much of the known world.

2. Paradigm that legitimizes greed, corruption and the worst of human nature

3. Considered a reverse-Robin Hood ideology (i.e. rich rob from the poor)

Synonyms: Class warfare, gluttony, all for one and one for none, self-interest, immorality.


D = Donald Trump

Oh-my-Drumff

Noun

1. Self-obsessed swamp mammal which tends to be spotted lurking around Miss Universe Pageants, large, 58-story buildings, mirrors and cameras.

2. May also be close cousin of Orangutan species

3. Morally-repugnant, selfish, sexist, misogynistic, dimwit with intellectual span of teaspoon.

4. Currently leader of the free world.

Synonyms: Imbecile, Pig-wig, Republican, Ring-Wing, Racist, Pathological Liar, ME, ME, ME


E = Election

Elek-shone

Noun

1. Type of reality game-show where two opposing parties, red and blue, compete to see how many people they can get to follow their imaginary stories.

2. Typically comprised of old white men.

Synonyms: Reality television, mass hypnosis, false hope, right vs left, blue vs red, circus


F = Freedom

Free-dum

Noun

1. An much sought-after feeling imagined by many people worldwide

2. Made impossible by debt-bondage and government surveillance.

3. Something traded for sensation of personal security.

Synonyms: Liberty, autonomy, self-determination, independence


G = Goldman Sachs

Gold-man Saks

Noun

1. Real government of the United States and indeed the world

2. Known for infiltrating state bodies, represent banking interests and the elite

3. Embodiment of evil, or the Devil’s advocate on earth

Synonyms: Global governance, economic engineers, hegemonic control, robber barons


H = Hollywood

Holly-wood

Noun

1. Producer and exporter of high-profit feature films

2. Propaganda machine for US interests at home and abroad

3. Targets mostly at Russians, Socialists of all stripes and Muslims.

Synonyms: Global governance, psycho-social engineers, hegemonic control, robber barons


I = International Monetary Fund (IMF)

IMF

Noun

1. International Body established after World War II in order to fund the reconstruction of European countries decimated by the war.

2. used for economic oppression and subjugation worldwide

3. Responsible for the economic decimation of countries such as Greece, Ireland, Italy, Spain, Argentina, Venezuela.

Synonyms: Global governance, economic engineers, hegemonic control, robber barons


J = Junk Economics

A-MUR-KA

Noun

1. Term coined by Michael Hudson to describe ideology of current economic system

2. Involves the belief that making the rich richer will eventually serve the rest of the economy (trickle-down economics) along with privatisation and the enforcement of odious debt.

3. Utilizes an Orwellian kind of doublespeak to justify its plain inconsistencies, hypocrisies and inequalities.

Synonyms: Global governance, economic engineers, hegemonic control, robber barons


K = Kremlin

Grem-lin

Noun

1. Russian government and current overlords of ex-Soviet Union

2. Embodiment of principles anathema to US ideologies and values

3. Enemy of the State (but bff of Trump family)

Synonyms: Dirty Commies, Sneaky Cossacks, Capitalist-haters, Player-haters


L = Labour

Shee-ple

Noun

1. People who actually have to work for a living

2. Comprised of a massive underclass of essential servants who toil for enough money to live

3. Now retain zero bargaining power within the global, neoliberal regime.

Synonyms: The Great Unwashed, Plebeians, Proles, Rank and File, The mindless masses.


M = Multinational Corporation

A-MUR-KA

Noun

1. International businesses beholden to no country, loyal to nobody except to their shareholders to whom they are solely accountable.

2. Tax evading companies who pay less tax than the people who clean their offices.

3. Destroy the environment and enforce slave labour conditions in countries with no proper labour laws.


N = National Security Agency (NSA)

USSR?

Noun

1. Institution used as a metadata collector of both domestic and foreign citizens’ private information

2. Enjoy snooping, collecting dick-pics and pondering who next to blackmail.

Synonyms: Cold War, Snoopy, Sneaky-Snoops, Dirty-Snoopers, Peaking Toms.


O = Opioids

O-PEE-OIDS

Noun

1. Narcotic compound used for pain relief and to escape reality within the neoliberal regime.

2. Usage becoming widespread as the ability of citizens to witness a Trump Presidency is increasingly diminished.

3. Highly prevalent in black communities who have lived in economic exile since…ever

4. Delivered mainly from war-torn Afghanistan

Synonyms: Dilaudid, Lorcet, Lortab, OxyContin, Percocet, Percodan, Tylox, Vicodin


P= Psychological Operation (PSYOP)

Sigh-Op

Noun

1. Operations conducted against citizens both foreign and domestic in order to legitimize later declarations of war, acts of aggression and negation of human rights.

2. Often involves the Hegelian Dialectic ‘problem, reaction, solution’ paradigm)

3. Used more and more frequently in the struggle for human minds.

Synonyms: 9/11, Boston Bombing, artificial event, psycho-warfare.


Q = Quaalude

Quaa…whaa

Noun

1. Type of narcotic popular in the 70s and 80s

2. Used by sprung-out wall streeters and elite types as mental stabilizer.

Synonyms: furies, ludes, mandrakes, quales, quas, quacks, quads, soaps, soapers, sopes, and super soper.


R = Radical

Rad-e-cal

Noun

1. People whose villages we’ve cluster-bombed who’ve lost their homes, their families and their friends.

2. Anyone who does not agree with our ideology

3. Anyone who is not with us, but against us

Synonyms: Dessert Darkie, Clit-Chopper, Derka-Derka, Rag-Head, Urban-Turban


S = School

Skool

Noun

1. A place where young people go to learn about how America is the best country in the world and pledge allegiance to the flag.

2. Teaches the real history of the United States, without all that Indian massacre, black slavery, working-class struggle nonsense.

3. Facility that provides students with the tools to go on to become model citizens working in Starbucks and McDonalds.

Synonyms: Indoctrination centres, brainwashing, unlearning history, pscho-warfare.


T = Terrorism

Terrorrrr-ism

Noun

1. The act of evoking fear or terror by acts of aggression or actions that inspire fear in the mass populace of a target.

2. Acts usually perpetrated by scary brown men with headscarves, beard and dresses.

3. Something to do with Jihad and the entire Muslim community the world over.

Synonyms: Jihad, boom scummery, Kim Jong Il, Bush Doctrine, George Bush, Bushism.


U = United Nations (UN)

U-N

Noun

1. International institution representing the cooperation of member countries on matters of politics, human rights and peace.

2. Puppet of US war machine.

Synonyms: United Faktions, Extension of US hegemony, America’s Foreign Office.


V = Vietnam

A-MUR-KA (f**k yea!)

Noun

1. A country in south-east Asia that nobody likes to think about or talk about since America lost the war.

2. Another nation, on a long list of nations, decimated by the warped foreign policy of the US in its struggle against its imaginary enemies.

Synonyms: Bong-son Bomber, Boom-Boom, Cluster-F**k, I shit you not!


W = Wall Street

F**kboys

Noun

1. High-class casino where traders and investors converge attempting to make money out of nothing.

2. The place of psycho-social parasites who feed off of the blood of the rest of society.

Synonyms: American Psychos, Yuppie-Scum, Wall-turd, Mitt Romney, Securities Fraud.


Y = Yabbering

Yabbery-Gabbery-choo

Noun

1. A complex method of nonsensical speech utilized by politicians (and their spokesmen) to convince people they are not insane.

2. Specialisation of former secretary of state Hilary Clinton and the former president, her husband, Bill Clinton.

Synonyms: Poli-shite, politicking, politicrap, politi-gold, Margaret Thatcher, Kim Jong-Un.


X = xenophobia

Zeno-phob-eeaa

Noun

1. A deep, venomous dislike or hatred for anyone outside of your own race.

2. Characterized by the majority of the Republican Party

Synonyms:Trumptopia, Trumpism, red-neckitis, hunting attire, NRA, KKK, NSA


Z= Zuckerburg, Mark

Suckerberg

Noun

1. Chief executive officer and founder of social media site Facebook

2. Insightful genius and creator of the most comprehensive collector of data of private individuals worldwide.

3. Now has enough information to blackmail any one of its billion users

Synonyms: Captain Z, Lieutenant Espionage, Monsieur Browser, MR MOLEY.


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